I was recently fascinated to read of research undertaken at the University of Kansas on men faking orgasms. The research involved 180 men and 101 women. Two-thirds of the women and almost one-third of the men said they had faked an orgasm.

The figure for women is consistent with findings in other research. The figure for men varies from study to study, perhaps because such research concerning men is less plentiful. A 2004 telephone survey of 1,500 Americans found that 11 per cent of men said they had faked an orgasm.

I am not aware of any research in Ireland into men faking orgasms. I’m not sure there would be any point. You can imagine the answers: “Ah sure, you know yourself like” or “I couldn’t be telling you things like that now, ha ha”.

Phone sex
By the way, in the Kansas research, the respondents said they had faked orgasms in a number of situations, including during phone sex. Some of us recall a time when phone sex didn’t exist because: a) it took 14 years to get a phone; b) the operator, who knew you, your parents and your aunts and uncles, might well be listening; and c) nobody had told us you could do it. Now phone sex is so common that people are having to fake their orgasms during it.

But back to the real world and the reasons why men (and women) fake orgasms.

Reality bites
In the movies and in the world of pornography, everybody is able to have an orgasm every time. In the real world, this just isn’t true. Everything from alcohol and medicaton to performance anxiety and tiredness can get in the way.

However, in a culture that endlessly pushes the myth of great sexual performance, few men want to admit this to their partner. That’s one reason why people fake an orgasm: they don’t want to belittle themselves in the eyes of their partner.

The answers given in these surveys suggest that this is just one of many reasons. Apart from not wanting to be seen as having failed, they also don’t want their partner to feel bad – and faking it helps to avoid this. Faking an orgasm is undeniably an act of deception but one that can be based on consideration for the other person.

At other times, the man and, no doubt, the woman fakes an orgasm simply because they want the sex to be over.

Cause and effect
As people get older and are more likely to be taking medication, they may be at least as interested as those University of Kansas students in faking it. Diabetes, some antidepressants and some neurological conditions can all make it more difficult to get to an orgasm. Very often though, it’s simply a matter of stress or performance anxiety.

For some men, the knowledge that they can get away with faking an orgasm may be a revelation. But research suggests that many men are well aware of the possibility and have done it from time to time.

There’s an old saying: Fake it ‘til you make it. Maybe we should re-write it: When you can’t make it, fake it.