In difficult economic times, parents are often better off than their adult children – they own their own homes and have a nest egg, pension lump sum or life savings to keep them financially secure.

It’s no surprise then that adult children or grandchildren who are the victims of wage cuts, redundancies, fewer job opportunities, high repayments on mortgages and loans are turning to the family elders for a handout.

Taking advantage
So what, you may think if you are of the mind that your money is of more use to your family while you’re living than as an inheritance. The thing is, while many parents and grandparents are not being taken advantage of, others are being unfairly drained of their resources by opportunist offspring.

There’s a name for this: elder abuse. In February 2010, the Review of the Elder Abuse Service reported that more than 1,800 allegations of elder abuse were referred to the HSE in 2008 and that many cases of elder abuse were not being reported. If Ireland follows international trends, an estimated 14,000 to 24,000 older people may have been abused.

Form of abuse
Financial/material abuse is one of the most common forms of elder abuse. It is defined in a Government report as theft; fraud; exploitation; pressure in connection with wills, property, inheritance or financial transactions; or the misuse or misappropriation of property.

Far from being strangers knocking at the door promising the sun, moon and stars, more than half of financial abuse is perpetrated by adult children, according to research by the UK Centre for Policy.

Depending on the parents
Michael Culloty of the Money Advice and Budgeting Service (MABS) – a free, confidential and independent service for people in debt or in danger of getting into debt – says there is anecdotal evidence of adult children relying on their parents to help them out financially in the ‘current climate’.

He suggests: “If people are in difficulty, they should be able to negotiate with their creditors rather than going to their parents.” MABS can also provide money management advice to those who are in financial difficulty.

Professional advice
Culloty warns that parents or grandparents considering passing on assets to family members may require tax consultancy advice in addition to independent advice. Also, parents should be careful of signing over anything without considering all aspects.

“Think long and hard about it and seek independent advice,” he says. “If you are lending money and need it back, you should make a contractual arrangement to get it back.”

A contract can also be of benefit to just maintain good relations between the two parties, he adds.

Just say ‘no’
Another thing to consider is the word ‘no’. Teresa Hart, a director of parenting course provider Help Me To Parent Ltd, believes that, just because the parent has some savings, it doesn’t mean adult children are entitled to it. Likewise, adult children shouldn’t be presumptuous and feel it’s the parents’ duty to provide them with financial support.

It may be difficult to say no to an adult twice your size but a bit of child psychology could be tried.

Childhood lessons
Hart gives the example of young children requesting material goods and how a parent should refuse the request. “The parent doesn’t actually say no straight out because, if you say no straight out, you’ve got confrontation,” is Hart’s first bit of advice. Secondly, parents should discuss the issues with their child. “They should explain why exactly they can’t or don’t want to give them what they’re looking for,” she says.

Two issues are at play here: a child can feel the parent doesn’t love them if they say no but, by explaining it to them, they learn they can’t have everything and learn responsibility.

Another child-psychology approach is that a child ‘earns’ a treat by doing chores etc. If the parent is an older person and needs work done about the house, it’s conceivable that a son, daughter or grandchild could do work in exchange for some financial help out.

Get support
There is a variety of supports available for the victims of elder abuse. If you or somebody you know is the victim of elder abuse, you are urged to report any anxieties to a public health nurse, a member of the Garda Síochána, any professional or care worker, or your bank or solicitor.