Being the product of separated parents, I know all about the hurt you can feel when a parent comes home with a new partner. Having largely spent my childhood making sure that my mother didn’t forge a lasting relationship with a man, I was well into my 20s and she into her 50s by the time she met the man of her dreams.

He was an old flame from teenage years and quickly became the missing link between her and a whole universe of love and connection of which she had been bereft for so many decades. I felt nothing but happiness for them when they announced they were moving in together, but there was a small stab of panic too. Because she was becoming so close to someone else, would she have a little less love for me? Would I get to see her, talk to her and spend time with her as much as I had become used to? Suddenly the kids weren’t the focus anymore and that took a bit of adjusting to.

Looking back now, I would have to admit that, even at that age of maturity, there was still a residual twinge of selfishness that I now realise is a universal emotion when it comes to the child-parent relationship.

“I was 30 when my Dad married again,” says Robert, whose parents had been separated for 15 years before his father re-married. “I really thought that I didn’t care but, emotionally, I was a wreck on the day. I think it would have helped if I had felt more part of things but instead I couldn’t work out how myself and my sister fitted into the grand scheme of this ‘new life’.”

Working as an editor of a bridal magazine for many years, I have come across lots of second-wedding and second-relationship issues. When people ask for advice on the subject, I always come back to the same thing: communication.

If you are planning a second wedding or commitment ceremony, the best policy is to keep your children as informed, involved and close to you as you can. It is important to make them feel included: just because you are moving on to a new chapter of your own life doesn’t mean they have to feel that they might not be coming along for the ride.

When Belinda’s bereaved mother married again at the age of 65, it was a very different situation for her and her siblings. “My sister had been married two years previously and we had done all the girly things you do around weddings – my mum and I had been to help her pick the dress, we’d been pampered and preened at a spa weekend together and, on the morning of the wedding, we’d hung out drinking champagne and getting giddy and giggly together. When it came to my mum’s wedding, myself and my sister decided we’d make her feel just as special.”

Your relationship with your children will obviously dictate how much they should be included in proceedings but if you want to get them involved – and I suggest you do – there are many ways of doing it. Whether it’s as a bridesmaid or usher or doing a reading at the ceremony, there is something really sweet about the wedding party being made up of family members. In the US, some remarrying couples are taking “family vows”, where new stepparents promise to love and cherish their stepchildren.

Even if you are not having a traditional affair, whether it’s an intimate dinner for 10 or a cocktail party for 100, involve your children in the decision making about the venue, menu, wine or wedding attire. Your new happiness doesn’t have to make your children feel sad.