Getting or refusing invitations can be as equally difficult – especially if it’s your daughter’s or daughter-in-law-to-be’s hen party.

Kate Hyde, who runs hen-party portal Henparty.ie, which featured on the first Irish series of Dragon’s Den on RTÉ One, says that the issue of going on a daughter’s, niece’s or daughter-in-law’s hen party is something that often arises for older people.

There are a few different sides to it, she says, with the first being the mothers who want to go on hen parties, who are good friends with their daughters and are up for a mad night out. “It’s not so common but it does happen when mums do go on the hen parties.

“There are daughters who do want their mums to come to their hen parties but then you also have situations where mums want to come to hen parties but their daughters don’t want them to come.”

She says that this can be simply because a daughter planning a night on the tiles may not want her mum to see her inebriated or may not want to see her mum inebriated.

The people who generally organise hen parties, to Hyde’s knowledge, are usually in their 20s or 30s because most of the people going on a hen party are the bride’s friends. “The person that’s going to organise it is more than likely going to be in that age group and organise a night that the rest of the people [in that age group] are going to enjoy.”

Hyde adds that a lot of the time mums, aunts or older relations might not know exactly what goes on at a hen party, “and how especially, towards the end of the night, if people have had a few drinks, it can get kind of wild. Daughters might not want their mum to see them like that or hear all the stories… about past boyfriends and exploits.”

Of course, there are those who are invited but don’t want to go and feel out of place. For example, older women may not be comfortable with the traditional hen format of an activity, a meal, dancing or clubbing.

A way for this group to feel involved is for the bride-to-be to organise something low key for the first night of a weekend hen party, inviting close friends and female relations to go for a meal and a few quiet drinks. Another option is a spa or shopping weekend at which mums and older friends and relations could feel more comfortable.

Kitchen parties, she says, are a great alternative. “Kitchen parties stem from old,” Hyde explains. While they had been dying off, they are back in vogue. All female relations, and even the mothers’ friends, come around to the house and bring a wrapped present. “In the older the days, it was mops or buckets – to make you a better wife,” she laughs.

The bride sits blindfolded and has to feel the presents, unwrap them and guess what they are. Someone writes down what she says (e.g. for a rolling pin it could be: “Gosh, it’s very long”) and these comments are read back as if this is what the bride will say to the groom on the wedding night.

“It’s not vulgar, it’s more a sly nod and a wink,” says Hyde. “There can be a couple of drinks, a cup of tea, finger food. They can end up being brilliant craic.”

For the bride, it means she can have a night for the people who are close to her but are not up for “a night traipsing around town with bunny rabbit ears on them”.

What do you think?
How appropriate do you think it is for mothers to go to their daughters’ hen parties?
Have you any fond memories of a kitchen party?
Do you think hen parties are over the top nowadays?
What did you do to celebrate your ‘last night of freedom’?