While the experts have been telling us about the ill-effects of ‘empty nest syndrome’ since the 1970s, new research suggests that couples whose children have spread their wings are happier and more fulfilled than those with kids still at home. The research, which was recently published in the journal Psychological Science, reveals that marital satisfaction actually improves when the children finally leave the family home.

The 50-year study at Berkeley UC’s Institute of Personality and Social Research followed the lives of 100 women from the time of their graduation from Mills College in 1958, through the various ups and downs of life, including marriage, child-rearing, divorce and even re-marriage. The researchers checked marital happiness levels at various stages. When the women were 43, most still had fairly young children; at 52, their children were preparing for college. However, at 61, the age at which most women’s children had permanently left home, women claimed to have happier relationships with their husbands, largely because they had time to focus on each other rather than the kids.

“Kids aren’t ruining parents’ lives,” says Dr Sara Gorchoff, co-author of the study. “It’s just that they’re making it more difficult to have enjoyable interactions together.”

Tony Moore, relationship counsellor with Marriage and Relationship Counselling Services (MRCS), agrees that the ‘empty nest’ period can be a good time for couples to get to know each other again.

“After many years of raising children and the difficulties that are associated with that task, it can be a relief to many couples at last to pursue their own interests,” he says. “When people marry, they often want to have children and build a family. But most couples have no real idea what the consequences can be for their own intimate relationship. Too often, the relationship suffers and they effectively end up as strangers sharing the same house. The focus for the couple over the years has been the children.”

Indeed, a recent study published in the Advanced Journal of Nursing revealed that marital happiness declines dramatically with the birth of a first child, with most couples spending just one-third of the time together compared to when they were childless. Time restraint, added financial burden and increased housework and childcare all add stress to couples with children, none of which bode well for emotional or sexual relationships.

However, adult children leaving the home can be more traumatic if it coincides with retirement, says Moore. Seeing this time as a period of renewal can help couples come to terms with their new-found freedom, he says.

“Couples must prepare and, in some ways, reinvent themselves. This doesn’t necessarily mean spending lots of money, which they may not have anyway, but looking for a new purpose in life. Many couples are happier when the children leave because they can now concentrate on their needs, wishes and dreams. They can also become a couple again and hopefully rediscover each other and become close once again.”