When Jay Coleman’s friend died, he went online to find the death notice but was surprised to discover that Irish newspapers did not post their death notices online. Along with his sister, Dympna, he decided to create a website that would draw death notices together in one place, where people in Ireland and overseas could quickly access the information they needed.

“We also decided to put up other information around end-of-life matters that would be useful to the public,” he said. “We wanted it to be a good starting point for people researching options around funerals, organ donations and so on, things that are quite difficult to broach in conversation, even at home.”

In the beginning, RIP.ie received about 100 visitors a day but it has now grown to the point where 20,000 visitors click on to it every day to check death notices, find a funeral director or research the purchase of headstones.

Scattered community
Coleman says that visitors come to the site from an average of 150 countries every month, showing how widely the Irish community is scattered around the world.
Funeral directors can input death notices free of charge and can also upload a photo of the deceased or open an online condolence book, particularly in the case of a tragic death or the passing of a well-known person in their area.

“We moderate the condolence books to ensure we never have anything untoward posted there,” Coleman explains.

Condolence messages
Typically, friends and family leave messages of condolence or describe fond memories of the person who has died. In the case of well-known people such as Ronnie Drew or Stephen Gately, many hundreds of messages are left. “Deepest sympathy, a man with a unique voice loved and respected by all ages,” reads one message left by a Co Clare family on the condolence page for Ronnie Drew.

Coleman says families give very positive feedback on the online memorials and funeral directors often print out the pages to give to them.

Permanent record
“A death might be mentioned once on local radio or appear in the local paper but people like this more permanent record,” he says.

RIP.ie is supported by advertising but other memorial sites such as InLovingMemory.ie and OurMemoryOf.com allow those grieving to upload photos, videos and written memories for a fee. If the person who died had a Facebook, Bebo or MySpace page, those often turn into impromptu online memorials.

Online memorial
Grief counsellors often recommend a creative activity such as writing a journal, painting or putting together a scrapbook as a way of reflecting on a loved one’s life and honouring their memory. Creating an online memorial is a similar process. Family members and friends can share in this activity, thereby supporting each other and perhaps enabling conversations about their loss and the grieving process.

Recognising grief and working through it is one of the best ways to cope with the death of someone close to you.

Lists of counselling and support services can be found on the Citizens Information website:
www.citizensinformation.ie/categories/death/bereavement-counselling-and-support