Few of us relish the thought of spending the late autumn and winter of our years pottering around a house on our own, particularly if we have enjoyed the buzz of family life for several decades. While the idea of sharing a home with a son or daughter and their young family may seem like the perfect solution - providing company, reduced living costs, safety and the security of knowing there’s someone there to help you in later years - it’s not always the best option.

In fact, it’s one of the greatest causes of distress in families, according to solicitor and family law specialist Roderick Tyrrell of www.lawyer.ie.

“Living with a son or daughter, either in a granny flat or together in the family home, sounds like a great idea, but it’s an issue that can give rise to huge problems and needs a lot of careful thought,” says Tyrrell.

“It’s a very common scenario whereby an adult child may live in a small three-bed house with their growing family, and the parent lives in a larger home alone. Someone suggests that both parties sell their homes and buy one large home for the family and grandparent. But older people need to remember that their home may be the only asset they have and, by handing it over, they are handing over their power,” he explains.

“The vast majority of people are good and well-intentioned, but situations can arise where things turn nasty,” he adds. “If the couple’s relationship breaks down and there are children involved, there won’t be enough funds to re-house everybody, so granny or granddad will be the last person to be considered. Even in the situation whereby a parent signs over or sells the family home to a single son or daughter with the agreement of living together until the parent dies, situations can change. The son or daughter might meet a partner and this brings another person into the story. If the son or daughter dies before the parent, the new partner has to be considered in terms of the property.

“Sometimes it can work out great, but everybody involved needs to explore what will happen if the situation changes,” Tyrell advises.

Mary Nally, chief executive of Senior Help Line and chairperson of Third Age Foundation, agrees that living with family members isn’t always rosy. “We would certainly get a lot of calls from people with queries about sharing the family home with a son or daughter,” she says.

“I know of some cases where the provision of a separate granny flat has worked extremely well. But, sadly, there are a lot of people for whom it’s not ideal. We have heard of cases where the older person’s visitors are restricted, where meals are only served when it suits the family or where they may be expected to spend a lot of time in their bedroom.

“We would never say don’t do it but suggest that people explore all the options first and get very good legal advice,” she adds.