No age restrictions for Cupid’s bow
A major change in attitudes over the years means that more and more older people are embarking on new relationships, writes June Edwards.
A generation ago, finding love again, or even for the first time, wasn’t quite the done thing for people over a certain age. But all that has changed, according to recent research by sociologist Peppar Schwartz of the University of Washington, who studies relationships between older adults.“Falling in love at an elderly age was seen as somewhere between unwise and dementia,” she said, adding that it was a common believe that only “dirty old men” pursued sex. As for moving in together, that was just plain “living in sin”.
Thankfully, it’s a lot more acceptable these days. “People who wouldn’t have let their daughters into the house if they were cohabiting are now doing the same thing,” says Schwartz. Indeed, research shows that older adults are the fastest-growing group of co-habitors and users of internet dating services in the US – trends that look set to catch on here.
In Ireland, organisations such as Third Age Foundation and Active Retirement (AR) are popular options for anyone in the 55-plus age group. And, with 33% of over-65s widowed, and 17% of this age group never married, according to a recent Economic and Social Research Institute report, there’s a significant number of older people free to form new relationships.
Helene Boran, administrator with AR, agrees that new relationships are common among older people. “Mostly, people join for friendship and finding like-minded people to do things with, but plenty of people also start new relationships too, and attitudes have changed over the years,” she says.
“Our profile has become younger in recent years, largely because people are retiring younger now and because we’re not seen as old fuddy-duddies anymore,” she adds. According to Boran, 60 is now the average age that people join AR, although the organisation is open to anyone over 55. AR Ireland has 24,000 members in 469 branches around the country.
“Active Retirement caters for all tastes and each group decides on its own activities. There is everything from Tai Chi to theatre visits, along with walking, discussion groups, arts and crafts, computer literacy and a lot more,” explains Boran. “Active Retirement groups also offer trips abroad and short hotel breaks in Ireland, which is another great way for people to make new friendships or start relationships.”
She says that computer literacy is growing among older people, facilitating easy access to the internet. In fact, internet dating is proving popular with older people. Recently, an 81-year-old retired Chinese art professor married a 58-year-old woman he met on the net. Here, websites such as www.fiftyalready.com and www.datingforseniors.com have Irish sections on their sites.
However, Schwartz points out that, despite rising numbers of older couples forming relationships, marriage rates remain low. Worries over pensions, children’s inheritance rights and property issues are the main reasons that older couples opt for just living together or, more commonly, dating but retaining separate homes.
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